Computers baffle me at times. I’m not ashamed to admit that.

At least I am assuming it is a computer that baffles me, I would hate to think it is a human that has me puzzled in this case. It’s about a job, one that apparently someone, or more likely some machine, thinks I am qualified for.

Like millions of people I have a profile on LinkedIn. I get suggestions by email on a regular basis suggesting jobs I might wish to apply for. I’m not looking for work, but I do appreciate the suggestions, it’s always nice to see what is out there.

I assume some computer is looking at my LinkedIn profile and deciding what jobs would be of interest to me. What I can’t figure out is how it makes the decisions. You would think they would be for jobs I am qualified to do, or perhaps have expressed an interest in. More often than not that isn’t the case.

For weeks now the computer has been trying to get me to apply for one particular job. It is convinced I should be a dance instructor for the City of Ottawa.

There is very little that could be farther from my skills, talents and interests than being a dance instructor. I don’t even like to dance; teaching it just ain’t gonna happen. Not to mention that I don’t have all the first aid qualifications necessary to be hired. And I don’t have “excellent knowledge of interpretive techniques, of aesthetic and technical concepts, and of handling of program materials in discipline of instruction.” When it comes to dancing I have three left feet.

I’m assuming there is something in my LinkedIn profile that is triggering this suggestion, but I can’t figure out what it is. I used to get a lot of computer programming job suggestions, triggered I suspect by my background in music programming. They aren’t the same thing. When I figured it out I tweaked my profile and the suggestions stopped.

The same email that suggested I should apply to be a dance instructor also informed me of a vacancy in the Jarislowsky Chair in Public Sector Management at the University of Ottawa (I considered applying for that one, but I really dislike marking student assignments. And I am perhaps a little underqualified for that one – but a heck of a lot more qualified to be a university professor than a dance instructor. At least I have done some teaching at the university level). As a full professor I would earn considerably more than the $18.50 an hour starting wage for a dance teacher.

The computer also thinks I could be a Communications Professor for Algonquin College. That one I am perfectly qualified for, except for that dislike of marking assignments, which might be an impediment.

If there was a human involved in the process they might wonder at two post-secondary professorships bookending a dance instructor job and question if the same person would be qualified for all of them. (And yes, I do know it is possible – I could be a dancing meteorologist for my local TV station, if they hadn’t already cut almost all their on-air staff.)

I suppose I could just change my account settings so I don’t get the emails. I’m not looking for work, I have a job already. But I am curious as to how long it is going to take to fill that dance instructor’s position. It’s been at least six weeks since I got the first notice.

I just know it won’t be me.