Let’s keep it light today. A selection of jokes for your Saturday.

One Saturday morning in Whyte’s Auction House the bidding was proceeding furiously and strongly when the Chief Auctioneer suddenly announced, ‘A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars. If returned, he will pay a reward of two thousand dollars. There was a moment’s silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a cry, ‘Two thousand five hundred.’

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight ‘safety lecture’ a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples of funny airline cabin crew announcements:

1. ‘Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.’
2. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight a announced, ‘Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.’
3. ‘Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.’

What are you going to do in the weekend? “I’m going to buy glasses.” “And then what?” “Then I’ll see.”

I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.

(Had to include at least something topical.)