I downloaded and installed a new fitness app on my phone, Every Monday I get a report, filled with praise about my progress. Except I have no progress.

Not that I am physically inactive. I walk at least 20 kilometres weekly, much of it uphill. But I haven’t bothered to record it with the app.

I signed up because my wife uses it and got a bonus of some sort for recruiting me. One of these days, when I have a few free moments, I’ll take a look and see if I want to use the thing instead of or in addition to the one I have used for years.

Until then, I must be content with being told “Great job, keep it up!” – which is the message I get every week. Along with that are the numbers for my previous week’s activity: 0 stars earned. 0 steps taken. 0 activities completed. 0 glasses of water.

Apparently I am the ultimate couch potato.

If that is a great job, I’d hate to see what a bad one looks like!