Furniture In Hell

I have a theological conundrum that has been bothering me this week. Time to put it out for your consideration.

I was wondering if all the furniture in Hell (assuming there is furniture in Hell) comes from IKEA.


I think every piece of IKEA furniture requires an Allen key. Sometimes other tools also.

If you’ve ever struggled with putting together IKEA tables, dressers and other furniture based on their drawings, you understand what I am saying. I know the drawings are supposed to give you easy instructions on putting together whatever it is you have purchased, but they make no sense to me. I need words, not pictures. I understand it would cost IKEA more to include instructions in multiple languages with the product, but is it too much to ask that they make them available online?

The instructions are fiendish, dare I say devilish. Yesterday’s table instructions, if I had followed them as the picture showed, would have resulted in blood everywhere from the cuts on my hands. There was no way I was grabbing a headless screw and turning it by hand.

Maybe Hell really is a place where they hand you an Allen key and a cardboard box of IKEA furniture – and you spend an eternity trying to put it together.

If so, modern theologians are missing an opportunity. If they started describing Hell like that, maybe more people would pay attention.


One comment

  1. Perhaps Gary Larson of the FarSide should have made a cartoon depiction of this in addition to his many others that usually feature musicians with accordions and banjos. Too funny… or sad.

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